Forgive me Lord. For a year-and-a-half I have wrestled with feeling mute, as I did not know what to say. I had a nightmare about an old friend who I know doesn’t know You. It mortified me. I tried to grab a hold of him as he seemed intent on diving headlong into a pit of fire and I was grabbing onto his heel trying not to let go. I woke up in a panic with my heart racing and tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t save him. When I messaged him and communicated the dream and my fear, he mocked saying, “thanks for trying to save me anyway.” I didn’t know how to respond, and my thoughts have been jumbled ever since. I’ve been plagued with clutter of the mind and also in my surroundings. I allowed his response to be my focus instead of turning to You, remembering that You are the author of all. It is You alone who can give speech and breath and voice, and You alone can take it away. I was reading in Exodus chapter 4 about all the excuses that Moses gave You for not doing what You were asking him to do. One of those excuses was that he was slow of speech and slow of tongue. He didn’t know what to say or how to say it, and perhaps even had an issue with stuttering. Your response was brilliant, and I needed to hear it again today in verses 11 and 12:
“The Lord said to him, who gave a mouth to a man, or who makes a person mute or deaf or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? So now go, and I will be with your mouth and will teach you what you must say.”
You are Sovereign.
I trust You.
You are above all things.
I will believe. Help my unbelief (Mark 9)
Teach me to pay attention.
Teach me to speak and what to say.
Forgive my silence.
Forgive me my excuses and my clutter.
Help me to get rid of every obstacle.
May the words I write bring encouragement and comfort to all who read them.
And Lord, please save Ryan.
I can’t save him, but You can.
I pray all these things in Jesus name.
October 7, 2019